Why is E.T. better than an orphan?
Because he found his way home.
What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?
The ant knows where home is.
I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.
What’s an orphan’s favorite beer?
Fosters.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their dad left and never came back home with the milk.
I still can’t forget that tiny little dead fish in my blue lunchbox.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They have no home to run to.
Get it?
Q. What is an orphan's favorite game?
A. Hide and seek.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home.
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.
Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?
Because he did not have one.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
Why don't orphans have iPhones?
Because they don't have a home button.
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
Why can't orphanages play baseball?
Because there's no home to go to.
Why can you bully an orphan?
Because they can’t tell their parents.
