Child

Child jokes

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Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?

Son: Ok dad.

AFTER TEST

Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?

Son: Son?

Have you heard about the pedophile who was guilty of robbery?

He took a girl's innocence.

Mum finds out child cheats in math test.

Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."

Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"

Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?

Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.

Mom: Can you hear them?

Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.

Mom: Why do you think that?

Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?

Years of child support!

Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?

He could never get a home run.