Child jokes
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.
Q: Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
A: Because he got hit by a bus.
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find home.
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
Why can't orphans play golf?
Because they can't find home.
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.
How are feminists different from gorillas? At least gorillas don't abort their own children.
What do you call an autistic daughter?
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it can never find home.
What’s an orphan's favorite beer?
Foster's.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause there's no home base...
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."
What's worse than a baby in a dumpster?
A baby in two dumpsters.
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.