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Child

Child jokes

Mum finds out child cheats in math test.

Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."

Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"

Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?

Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.

Mom: Can you hear them?

Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.

Mom: Why do you think that?

Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?

Years of child support!

Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?

He could never get a home run.

Me going to jail after telling the orphan he can't learn about ancient Egypt because he don't know what a mummy is.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field? The baseball field has a home to run back to.

My girlfriend called me a "pedophile", and I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old."

Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.