Cent jokes
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?
He had a 6 cents of humor.
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
Why don't some people like pennies?
Because it's common cents.
What is 50 Cent's least favorite store?
The dollar store.
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.
It just doesn’t make any cents!
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.
Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"
So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"
The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.