Catholic jokes
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne doesn't cum on a kid's face 'til they're 13 or 14.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?
Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.
What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?
Catholics are registered sex offenders.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?
One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.
Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?
So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.
Why do Roman Catholics always call their minister father?
because Roman Catholic men between 18-29 years old received a free anonymous blowjob inside the confessional booth at the glory hole.
Did you know that good Catholic girls like to WAP?
Yeah, they are all about Worship and Prayer.
Why did Catholic women stop going to church?
Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.
Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!
Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.