In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
For centuries the catholic church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
Chancel culture!
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them? I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a roman catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar? Tell him that it is a confessional booth
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns. The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55." The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!" The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful." At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible." The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president
Me yelling every gay slur to get suspended
I’m in catholic school
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priest?
Because they blow up in your face.
What’s the difference between a Catholic and Rabbit? One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids to protect for predators.
Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic? Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite
A catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession and while he is inside the confessional booth the catholic priest is sucking his dick and he says to the catholic priest what are you doing father and the priest says it's called giving a blowjob and the catholic gay male says why are you giving me a blowjob father inside the confessional booth? and the catholic priest says if there was no glory hole in the confessional booth my son it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place
What is a Italian massage? A Italian catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during lent
Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent ? Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent
Why do catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the catholic church? Because there are Glory Holes 🕳 inside of the confessional booths
What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans? Catholics are registered sex offenders
