Cant jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home base.
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to run to.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it doesn't know where home base is.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can never score home.
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Spongebob is yellow, and he can't drive. Must be Asian.
What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
What's the best thing about beating up orphans?
They can't tell their parents.
Why can’t Chinese people play cricket? Cus they always eat the bat.
What do you call a Titan who can't swim?
Titanic!
Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.
What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.