Canning jokes
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.
Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.
What's worse than ten dead babies in a dumpster? One dead baby in ten trash cans...lol
Memes
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
How can you be friends with a pedophile that's a musician?
B minor.
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
Why can orphans not play bingo?
Because they can't get a full house.
Why did people invent glow in the dark condoms?
So gay people can have lightsaber duels.
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bone."
"Bone who?"
"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."
Why do basketball players love cookies so much?
Because they can dunk them!
Why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them.
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!
Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.
Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!
Sans: Yea bro.
Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
*in the hospital*
Paralyzed kid: I'm out!
*walks out the room*
Blind kid: You can walk?!
Mute kid: You can see?!
Deaf kid: You can talk?!
Doctor: Wut the f**k?
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they cannot find home.