What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?
You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"
Canning Jokes
What's worse than ten dead babies in a dumpster? One dead baby in ten trash cans...lol
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
You can hang the picture with one nail.
Why can Asian people buy phones?
'Cause they might call the wrong number.
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
Teacher: Where is your slip so I can see you can come on this trip?
Orphan: Parent signature: ___________
Why do orphans like to go to church?
It is the only place where they can call a father.
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver đ
Why can Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
Your mama is so ugly even Dora can't explore her.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
Where can you find a list of dead astronauts? In the orbituaries.
Youâre so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lay on the bed, So I can fuck you.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.
What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?
Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)
Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!
Whatâs the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.
A police pulls over a Mexican man trying to get into America. The Mexican man comes up with some sob story and the police say, "All right, all right ok," says the police, "I'll let you go if you can come up with a sentence that has the words green, pink, and yellow in it." The Mexican thought about it long and hard for almost 45 minutes and then the police says, "Ok ok let's hear it" after waiting impatiently. The Mexican said, "Ok ok don't rush me. I'm ready." The Mexican replied, "Ok when my phone green green, I pink it up and say Yellow!"
Yo momma decided to go to KFC until she realized she had to share with her family, so she bought ten buckets and the cashier said, "Here is the receipt." Now yo momma got afraid of how much money she had to spend, despiting on how she spent more than Drake's net worth that he can even lend. She went back home seeing her family looking at her and the KFC, thinking that could be her rent, but the whole family dug into the food. By the second they see the plates empty and seeing the lazy mom steady, she ate so much she wasn't ready until she fell, which caused an earthquake, which made her go to jail, which caused her to be scary.
