Canning jokes

Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.

The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!

An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.

The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."

My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.

At least now I can have his phone he left.

Most annoying thing...

When we send something in WhatsApp thinking our friend is online but can only see two grey ticks...

There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"

Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!

Hi guys, so today I have not thought of a joke, and I'm not really sure what to do, so I thought I would do kinda a blog sort of thing, so hope you enjoy, and you don't have to read this!

So I woke up this morning and heard this weird noise, and it was my dad building me a new gymnastics bar so I can have uneven bars, which I am so excited about! And I am so glad that you guys have been nice and liking my jokes and stuff, but also, make sure to comment below if you want to tell me what kind of jokes you want and what you want me to do, and also, feel free to talk to me! Love y'all!!!

What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?

You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"

What's worse than ten dead babies in a dumpster? One dead baby in ten trash cans...lol

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You can hang the picture with one nail.

Why can Asian people buy phones?

'Cause they might call the wrong number.

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

Teacher: Where is your slip so I can see you can come on this trip?

Orphan: Parent signature: ___________

Why do orphans like to go to church?

It is the only place where they can call a father.

Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?

A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏

Why can Chinese people play baseball?

Because they ate the bat.

Your mama is so ugly even Dora can't explore her.

Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?

They both can throw a hook.

Where can you find a list of dead astronauts? In the orbituaries.

You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.