Canning jokes

Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.

Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."

Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"

Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.

9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

What are two plus sides to being an orphan?

1. All your snacks are family sized.

2. No one can make jokes about your mama.

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.

Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.

Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.

The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."

Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.

An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.

How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.

Why did the orphan become a str1pper?

So she can have someone to call daddy.

Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

Why do horny, deaf girls wear tight pants?

So you can read her lips.