Canning jokes

Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.

What's the same about a newborn and a football?

You can kick them both very easily.

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"

Why is Homelander an orphan's favorite superhero?

Because they can actually land a home.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home. 😀😀

I have a fish that can break dance. Only for about 20 seconds, and only once.

Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.

Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.

Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.

Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?

Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.

I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Yo, sis, come here.

Sis: What?

Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?

Sis: Yup.

Me: Can I go?

Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.

Me: I love you.

What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do? You can do dinner. Was that it?

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.