Canning jokes

You're so ugly Bob the Builder cat can fix you.

Why did the orphan drop the soap in prison? So he can have a prison daddy.

Can I make you a basketball cake for dessert?

Yeah, you sure can, but don't be having all your balls in it. It will taste nasty.

"I need help, George Sink," said Jimmy.

"What is it?" said George Sink.

"Can you wash my dishes?" said Jimmy.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!

How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?

Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.

What the can say to the tomato?

Tomato tomato potato potato find twelve recipe for the both 👍🏾

I put on ingredient sticker read for tasting good.

Your mom is so fat the space shuttle can see her from 10,000 miles away.

Name 1 way to decrease overpopulation:

Get rid of all the suicide prevention lines so the suicidal people can kill themselves.

Boss: Can I do a reference check?

Me: I don’t have a...

*sensei appears*

Me: oh no

Sensei: He was a good student, but he lacked kizma.

Boss: What's kiz...

Sensei:😈

Me: Oh no, here we go.

Sensei: Kizma AS-

Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?

We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!

Y'know what's really sad?

Why break the fourth wall when you can turn the third wheel?

What's the difference between Batman and Robin?

Batman can go to the store without robbin'.

Why can an orphan go to a store to buy something and what can come back home?

Because they don't have a home.

What is a car that runs and can't?

Hey, what's the puniest pun you can come up with?

Have you heard about my new can crushing job?

It's soda-pressing.

Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.

Me: I can only see fat.