Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
The bench can support its family.
Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.
Why can orphans just be gay?
Cause they want to call somebody "daddy."
I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.
Yo mama so dumb, she thought "The Squid Game" was an all-you-can-eat buffet.
What did the calculator say to the student?
You can always count on me.
What can a gay man with a physical disability do better than a heterosexual woman that doesn't have a physical disability?
Suck a big cock.
The gayest person in the world is Pacman, because I can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"
A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.
The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.
1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.
2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!
3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.
4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.
5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.
"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.
When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.
Why can orphans only use Samsung?
Because they don't have a home button.
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?
