Canning jokes
Kate: Can we have a threesome?
Trevor: Sure.
The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.
What is the difference between a redhead and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist!
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
Memes
I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
Hi, I'm Madison, but for short you can call me Alex.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
Why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them.
Why can orphans not play bingo?
Because they can't get a full house.
Why did people invent glow in the dark condoms?
So gay people can have lightsaber duels.
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.
What's worse than ten dead babies in a dumpster? One dead baby in ten trash cans...lol
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
Why do basketball players love cookies so much?
Because they can dunk them!