Calculator jokes
Si, papi?
I remember having a crush on my math teacher, so I winked at her and said, "Don't worry, babe, I'll call you later."
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
Type this in your calculator:
5 days a week (type in 5),
6 different classes (type in 6),
7 hours a day (type in 7),
x
2 semesters (type in 2),
=
flip the calculator over ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°).
What do cows use to do their homework? A cowculator.
How do you say "fish" without the "i"?
Fsh
Damn bro, that calculator is looking hot today. It got abs!
Why is calculus called calc? Because you need a calculator. Lol.
Write 317537 on your calculator and turn it over to spell "Leslie."
You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.
Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...
I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.
Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
When you're 34, it'll be 420 months before you turn 69 years old.
My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.
Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.
What did Jake say to Peggy?
"CALC-U-LATOR!" Get it? Like, "Catch you later!"
Why are Asian's dicks too small?
So they can reset the calculator.
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.
Why did the rapper bring a calculator to the party?
To count his STACKS of CASH!