Calculator jokes

Why is calculus called calc? Because you need a calculator. Lol.

Why did the rapper bring a calculator to the party?

To count his STACKS of CASH!

2+2+67+23= Now calculate the mass of the Solar system. Be these questions these days.

I remember having a crush on my math teacher, so I winked at her and said, "Don't worry, babe, I'll call you later."

Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.

Why are Asian's dicks too small?

So they can reset the calculator.

666 + 420 + 911 + 21 = ?

Do it in calculator.

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.

My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

I said, "Paper."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

Write 317537 on your calculator and turn it over to spell "Leslie."

(6x9)+6+9=69

There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!

There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.

59009 flip it backwards on your calculator... it = boobs!

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

I tried to calculate 3/(my life), and I kept getting zero.

How do you say "fish" without the "i"?

Fsh

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.