Button jokes
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
You are so adopted that you don't have a home button on Google Maps.
I always press the stop button to see you.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
I made a website for orphans. Sadly, it doesn't have a home button.
When you can't pick
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
One day I went to talk to my friend.
"Hi John!" I said.
No response.
"Oh, yeah."
I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.
"Hope that helps!"
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
SLADE is the reason they invented the PAUSE BUTTON.
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.
I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.
If orphans made phones, it wouldn't have a home button.
I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend was blind too.
Why can't orphans close their video games?
Because they can't find the home button.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest!
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.