What is Michael Jackson's favorite button?
Light mode.
Where's your off button?
Why couldn't the button get off the couch?
Because his butt weighed a ton! (butt-ton)
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
Alright, so I have a few orphan jokes. I'm gonna put them all in one message.
Why can't orphans be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans go on a field trip? Parent signature: ______
New teacher: I used to be an orphan as a kid. Students: hahaha Teacher: Is anyone missing? Students: No one, just your parents.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They kept calling everyone "daddy."
Why do orphans have the iPhoneX? Because it has no home button.
I gave my friends some buttons.
Too bad he couldn't pull himself together.
A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!! Man: We have the power of the sun itself! President: Drop it on them! Man: You push the button President:*sigh* Fine give it to me Man: Hands over button President: Pushes it Both: YAAA! President: Bumps into the button pressing it again Both: Oh, sh*t
Meanwhile in japan after the first bomb went off Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
Yo Mama so fat, she has a Twinkie inside of a Twinkie inside of her fat ass motherfucking belly button!
Why do orphans have an iPhone 10?
Because it doesn't have a joke button.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest!
Please folks, you can hit the thumbs up button on the ones you like. There is no need to repost.
Anyways,
Knock knock Who's there? Can I come in? Can I come in who? Can I Come In You!?
More often than not, I will cry when I masturbate. Some nights I'm a real tear jerker!
But on the nights and I smoke a lil pot and then masturbate, my dad ends up bugging me because I am a weed wacker.
How do you keep a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick.
How does Popeye keep his manly part from rusting? He sticks it in Olive Oil.
Snow White and the seven dwarfs are in the the tub feeling "HAPPY". Happy got out now they are fucking "GRUMPY".
What's worse than waking up and finding a "Penis" drawn on your forehead? Finding out it was "Traced".
If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster what would you have? 3 feet of my cock up your ass.
Did you know Batman was actually Black? Yeah he couldn't go a night with out Robyn!
Did you hear Gods Word Of The Day? Its Legs! Now lets go out and spread them.
What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs? Cunt-sway-low
Whats worse than sucking 25 oysters out of your Grandmas Pussy? Realizing you only put in 15.
If you don’t know how to braid, hit that follow button, let’s gooo!
If we get this to 1000 dislikes, I will do TWO joking keggars on Halloween.
So what are you waiting for? Hit the button, idiot.
Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.
Donald faced the other four and orders:
"I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."
Tony jumps off.
"Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."
Francis jumps off.
Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."
Hillary jumps off.
Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."
Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
