Bread

Bread Jokes

Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?

A: He gave her a ring.

Q: What’s the most popular video game at the bread bakery?

A: Knead for Speed.

Q: Why is Santa good at karate?

A: He has a black belt.

Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?

A: Beast Buy.

Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?

A: Let’s stick together.

Q: Why did the turkey join a band?

A: So he could use his drumsticks.

Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?

A: Figure skating.

Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?

A: Beast Buy.

Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?

A: Let’s stick together.

Q: Why did the turkey join a band?

A: So he could use his drumsticks.

Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?

A: Figure skating.

Q: What’s a firefly’s favorite dance?

A: The glitterbug.

Q: Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?

A: Because they always make-up

via GIPHY

Q: Where do roses sleep at night?

A: In their flowerbed

Q: Why was the show bad at gymnastics?

A: She was a flip-flop

Q: What should you wear to a tea party?

A: A t-shirt

Q: What’s rain’s favorite accessory?

A: A rainbow

Q: Where does a sink go dancing?

A: The Dish-co

Q: What’s a princess’s favorite time?

A: Knight time.

Q: Why did the Genie get mad?

A: Because he was rubbed the wrong way.

Q: What’s a ballerina’s favorite type of bread?

A: A bun.

Q: What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?

A: Hip hop.

Q: What do bunnies like to do at the mall?

A: Shop ‘til they hop.

via GIPHY

Q: How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?

A: She nailed it.

Q: What is corn’s favorite music?

A: Pop.

Q: Why can’t Monday lift Saturday?

A: It’s a weak day.

Q: Why was the politician out of breath?

A: He was running for office.

Q: What is a soccer player’s favorite chemical element?

A: Goooooooooooold!

Q: Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?

A: He was a cheetah.

Q: Which state has the greatest number of jokes?

A: Pennsylvania.

Q: Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?

A: Inside.

Q: Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?

A: He forgot his lawsuit.

Q: Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?

A: He crashed the computer

via GIPHY

Q: What’s a ball that you don’t throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?

A: An eyeball.

Q: What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?

A: Shells.

Q: What time of year do people get injured the most?

A: In the fall.

Q: Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?

A: Because he knew he would pass.

Q: Why did the musician throw away her table?

A: Because it was flat.

Q: Why didn’t the farmer's son study medicine?

A: Because he wanted to go into a different field?

Q: What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert?

A: Pi

Q: Why was the princess in the emergency r

Jesus took bread and said: "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said: "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise and Peter said: "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"

1

A duck walks into a bar and says "Got any bread?" The bartender says "No bread here." And then the duck says "Got any bread?" And the bartender says "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?" And the duck says "Got any bread?!" And the bartender says "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail." So the duck says "Got any nails?" And then the bartender looks surprised, and says "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?" And the duck says "Got any bread?" And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.

Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread waiting for a traffic jam

Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show

He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare

Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept

Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it

Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when i got out i noticed he was left for bread, i felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this

The bakery where I work is being robbed I said to the people I am calling the police then I realized they did not come for the money they came for the bread. Huh go figure.