Bike jokes

Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."

I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!

How did Jesus kill himself?

He fell from his bike.

How many times did he die?

Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.

Why did the bike fall over?

Because it was two tired!

School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.

A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.

Why?

The kid had no legs.

If a bike is also called a bicycle, then what is a test also called?

A tEsTiClE!

What do you call a lesbian on a bike?

A dyke...

My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"

Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"

I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.

Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.

One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."

The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."

Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?

He had no legs.

The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.

It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.

I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.

Why did the clown fall off his bike?

Because the neighbor threw a washing machine at him.

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

I saw a little kid on their bike before. So I ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.