Better

Better Jokes

Parachute

Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?

Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.

Autism

My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?

Bath

I bet when you take a bath, they give you the whole pool. No, better yet, the ocean!

Vibrator

Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?

Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!

Mouth

The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!

Witch

Why doesn't the witch wear panties?

To get a better grip on her broom stick!

Rapper

What did the rapper say to the microphone?

"You better DROP THE BEAT, or I'll drop YOU!"

World

Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!

Punchline

There will be better punchlines at BlessedBrian’s FUNERAL than in his JOKES.

Song

My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?

Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.

Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.

Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-

Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.

Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?

Hand

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

Prostate exam

I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.

I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.

Shooter

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 2: LIKE: When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door and the autistic kid opens it.

DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team, but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”

Vote for the better joke.

Front

Adding a "gl" in front of "camping" doesn't make it any better.

If you add a "gl" in front of "Adolf Hitler," it doesn't make him a great guy.