Beer jokes
Why do your orphans not drink beer?
Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
What kind of beer is an orphan's favorite?
Foster's!
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
My mom walks in a bar and the bartender says "water?" saying "we only sell beer!"
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.
Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.
Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"
Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
Pennywise: "They all float down here!"
Titanic: *hold my beer*
Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.
My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"
Don’t kill the Earth, it’s the only one with beer.
What is an orphan’s favorite beer?
Fosters.
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.
Same person.
Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
People in 1912: The Titanic is unsinkable!
Iceberg: Hold my beer.