Bars jokes
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).
1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.
3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.
4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.
5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.
8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.
A gay wizard went to a bar and disappeared with a poof!
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
A dwarf walks into a bar.
He asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender gives him the 🥃, and it turns into a gallon of whiskey. The bartender sees this and takes it back, and it turns back into a shot of whiskey.
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could count his bars.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop some HOT BARS!
Why did the rapper go to space?
Because he wanted to drop some UNIVERSAL BARS!
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he wanted to drop some HOT BARS in the kitchen!
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could count bars like NOBODY’S BUSINESS!
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the concert?
Because he wanted to spit BARS on time.
Why don't rappers ever become bankers?
Because they always break the BARS!
Why did the rapper cross the road?
To drop some BARS on the other side.
If Eve sacrificed the human race for an apple, what would she do for a Klondike bar?
What’s a rapper’s favorite exercise?
Heavy bars.
A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
How do you fit 3 gay men on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
How can you buy emos? Just use their bar code.
A man walks into a bar.
Ouch!