Bars jokes
A dwarf walks into a bar.
He asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender gives him the 🥃, and it turns into a gallon of whiskey. The bartender sees this and takes it back, and it turns back into a shot of whiskey.
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he wanted to drop some HOT BARS in the kitchen!
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop some HOT BARS!
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the concert?
Because he wanted to spit BARS on time.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could count bars like NOBODY’S BUSINESS!
Why did the rapper go to space?
Because he wanted to drop some UNIVERSAL BARS!
Why don't rappers ever become bankers?
Because they always break the BARS!
If Eve sacrificed the human race for an apple, what would she do for a Klondike bar?
Why did the rapper cross the road?
To drop some BARS on the other side.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could count his bars.
What’s a rapper’s favorite exercise?
Heavy bars.
How can you buy emos? Just use their bar code.
How do you fit 3 gay men on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?
Why do emo people go to the store with no money?
Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.
When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
Stephen Hawking walks, I mean rolls into a bar.