Bars jokes

What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?

"Alcohol, you later!"

A midget walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says no.

The midget asks why. The bartender says, "You're a little drunk!"

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"

Say "I'm a man" after every sentence.

You walk into a bar. (I'm a man.) You find a girl. (I'm a man.) You take her home. (I'm a man.) She whispers in your ear. (I'm a man.)

A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel hanging down his pants.

A guy walks by and says, "Pardon me sir, but you've got a wheel hanging down your pants." The pirate responds, "I know. It's driving me nuts!"

A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.

Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"

What’s the difference between school and prison? One is painted.

Sixteen molecules of sodium walk into a bar. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!!

I am a reverse rapper because I put bars in my mouth.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"

A man walks into a bar... Oww!

Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”

A man walks into a bar.

He had to have 13 stitches!

A burger walks into a bar and says, "Hi sir, can I have a glass of water?"

And the waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food here."

Why did the prisoner run away?

To spit bars.

A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.

Yeah, that was the punchline.

Do you know what is good about being an orphan?

Every candy bar is family sized.

What's long, hard, and slimy?

A bar of soap.