Bars jokes

Rapper

    • What’s a rapper’s favorite computer key?

    The space bar... it lets them space out their rhymes!

  • 1

    • Sex

    • A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

    His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

    The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

  • 1

    • Kelly Clarkson

    • Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.

  • 1

    • Whale

    • I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

  • 3

    • Terrorist

    • Two terrorists walk into a bar.

    The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."

    The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"

    Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."

    Drunk man

    • A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"

  • 2

    • Rapper

    • Why was the rapper always in shape?

    Because he dropped so many BARS, he had to stay fit to pick them up!