Bad

Bad jokes

Career

  • If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

    Tony Abbott's career.

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    Bus Driver

  • Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

    Man's friend: Same.

    Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

    Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

    Man: Oh great heavens!

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  • Rape victim

  • What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?

    Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.

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    Priest

  • A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."

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  • Mama

  • Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.

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    Exam

  • There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

    Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

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    Doctor

  • Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."

    Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"

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    Drink

  • One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"