Attendance jokes
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
Me: Sorry I couldn’t make it to school yesterday, I had an appointment.
Teacher: What kind of appointment?
Me: I had an appointment with a cut day. 😈😈😈
True story.
Guess who I saw at school today? Everyone I looked at. loooooooool
What did the soccer player say to the flight attendant? "Please put me in coach!"
A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.
The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.
Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.
Stephen Hawking missed assembly this morning.
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.
Teacher: What month is it?
Quiet kid: AUG-ust.
Classroom: Visible concern.
What brings kids to school every day?
A school bus 🚌.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
Why did the sun go to school? To get brighter!
How did the flight attendant want their burger?
Just plane!
Sign in sheet!
I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”
There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"
"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."
"Why not?"
"He keeps peeing in the pool."
"Well, all kids pee in the pool."
"Not from the diving board!"
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
Does anyone go to Eagle High School? Tell me what classes you have from 1st period to 4th period if you go to Eagle High School.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
What's white but not black, and red all over?
J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.