Attempt jokes

Tried committing suicide last night...

Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!

People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”

Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?

He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!

Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!

What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.

People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.

Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.

My attempt in 2021.

And my attempt this year.

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.

Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.

Me: Oh, I already tried that.

Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.

They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.

If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?

A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."

My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.