Attempt Jokes

Once I almost died ill give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job

if you try to fail and you succeed which one did you do

A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said " I'm a failure at suicide too.".

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.

I tried to catch air once ... I mist

its kinda sad seeing you attempt to put your whole vocabulary in one sentence oh wait you only said three words

If at first you don't succeed, CHEAT.

Recent attempts to defund Special Olympics have organizers scrambling to come up with more corporate sponsorship... targeted companies include:

Kleenex Depenz Bicycle Helmet manufacturers Velcro Shoe manufacturers Steven Hawkings Publishers

You so far you tried to eat the word edible

try not to <3

heyyyy in the last six months 4 suicide attempts broke up with 3 girls and my mom whent on drugs

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because these jokes are not funny

Heres why the chicken crossed the road...

The chicken was on the run from a crazy-ass butcher ready to murder the poor thing, so the chicken crossed the road.The chicken was crossing the road, then a blind kid saw the chicken, and the kid was hit by a flying rock, his vision was blurred (what vision?) and was actually cured of the blind. The chicken ran and jumped into a truck's opening, and was never seen again... The kid got up from the ground and looked at the road, to see the chicken was not there, and said..." The chicken crossed the road...." The kid yelled at everyone about the chicken crossing the road, and got a lot of positive attention. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit was full of the chicken nonsense, and gained widespread attention from N.A to Asia in only 1 day.

The butcher was arrested for the attempted murder of a joke animal, and was sentenced to over 20 years in solitary confinement, and a few weeks later, the sentence was moved to a life sentence, and the butcher became known as The ChicKiller.

The End (hope you enjoyed, i was bored so i made this shit...)

I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career. In the trailer Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.

I went out for a drive, and attempted to drift on the road, it didn't end well for me, or fo the speed bumps I hit. *wait. there isn't any road bumps* *o h s h i t.*

AYO IMAGINE HAVING A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN BUT INSTEAD ITS COST A BILLION DOLLARS A GALLON AND YOU HAVE A HUNDRED THOUSANDS THAT NUMBER WILL NEVER EQUATE TO HOW MANY PORNO MAGAZINES AND ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES AND MALY LIQUORS STOLEN FROM MY BROTHER BEDROOM AS A DESPERATE ATTEMPT AT BEING EDGY AYO MAYBE INSTEAD OF THE FUTURE CARS BEING POWERED BY PETROLEUM OIL AND GASS BUT WITH HOT CHOCOLATE

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

„You’re not going to have time to finish this,“ the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet. „Yes I will,“ replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.

After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.

1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

„No you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late.“ The student looked incredulous and angry. „Do you know who I am?“

„No, as a matter of fact I don’t,“ replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice. „Do you know who I am?“ the student asked again. „No, and I don’t care,“ replied the professor with an air of superiority. „Good,“ replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.

Old man goes to church

One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.r> The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and accessories.

As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.

As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship." The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."

"I did," replied the old cowboy.

"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.

"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in this church "