A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
By:Xzavier
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all and If i could borrow it.
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother "Mom can little girls have babies " his mom answered "of course not" a few minutes later his mom heard him shout to his friend "it's okay we can keep playing
A Pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, “hey little boy, if I give you a Lolly will you come in my car?” Little Jonny, “give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth”
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potato's." *SMACK*! mother slapped mark. She then asked suzie, "what would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatos" said suzie *SMAACK*! she slapped suzie. "Ok. Johnny, what would you like to eat?" Well.... I sure as hell dont want no fucking potatos.
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said see them boy over there In the wheelchair, ask him to walk I said, but I’m blind She responded exactly
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said ‘ a smile’
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school
Going to school is mandatory in this country
Can you guess my plan?
A homeless man sits in front of a home Depot, a man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks "Why are you in front of the home Depot?" And the man says "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
My mom asks "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK-"
i asked an emo girl "do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies"
what did the orphan ask Santa for. a good family
Two wind turbines where standing on a hill.
One asks "what's your favourite type of music?"
The other one says "I'm a big metal fan."
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty”
That’s when Penaldo asked “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”
So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
