Are jokes
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."
He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."
Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
Chuck Norris has been to Mars... that's why there are no signs of life there.
Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.
(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
Memes
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
Why don't orphans like to get lost?
Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.
Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.
Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!
Rules of Dark humor:
1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.
I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
- Sincerely, Zane
9/11 victims are the best readers.
They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
People are like potatoes.
We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.