Are jokes

You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

A drunk walks into a bar and says, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an asshole!"

Why are babies called bundles of joy?

When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.

One day I was jogging through the park and I saw this lady sitting next to a pond in a wheelchair with no legs and arms and said "Why are you crying" she said she had never been hugged I gave her a hug and jogged away.The next day i saw her again and asked her the same question she said "I've never been kissed" I gave her a kiss and went, The third day i asked her thrice and she said I've never been fucked I picked her up from her wheelchair and throwed her in the pond and said your fucked now She didn't make it:)

Why are mountains always tired? Because they don't Everest.

Fun fact: Most of the black holes in the universe are found in Africa!

You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

Person: Uh okay.

You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: What hit you in the face last night?

Person: Addicted... *laughs*

(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")

Roses are red. He shows no remorse.

Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.

Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.

If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Criminals are wanted.

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.

When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.

"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.

It's no surprise Donald Trump moved to Florida. That's where the oranges are.

The depressed kid getting bullied.

The bully: "You are useless."

The depressed kid: "I know."

What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.