Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
KimJongUn thicc af
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
