Answer jokes

Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?

Answer: They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men" or a virgin!

What does a "Smart Russian" and a "Unicorn" have in common?

Answer: Non-existence!

Why?

Did you ever walk into Stephen Hawking's house?

Answer: No, neither did he.

Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?

At a second-hand store.

Does anybody know the similarities between a Rubik's cube and a penis?

I don't know the whole answer, but I do know that the more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.

Why couldn’t an orphan go to a family restaurant?

Because an orphan doesn’t have a family.

What is the definition of "Endless Love"?

Answer: Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing "Tennis"!

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

Why did the booger cross the nose?

Answer: To get to the other hole.

What the when what yeah what yeah then uh huh?

What gets bigger when it eats but dies when it drinks?

Answer: fire.

What’s a vacuum cleaner’s favorite plant?

Answer: SUCCulent

Why did the little boy get hit by a car?

Answer: Because Sally was driving!

Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?

The peanut butler.

The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"

The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."

The circular saw would reply with, "What?"

What do a Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? A: They both come in a little behind.

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

Violence isn't the answer. It's the question, and the answer is yes.