ANS jokes

Emo

    • I was gonna walk up to an emo and say, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

  • 3

    • Apple

    • What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?

    The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.

  • 1

    • Orphan

    • Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.

    Boy: Knock knock.

    Girl: ...Who's there?

    Boy: Not your parents!

  • 6
    • ANS memes

    Cremation

    • I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

  • 0

    • Kid

    • If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?

    The brakes, you sick bastard.

  • 1

    • Sweater

    • I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-

  • 6

    • Patient

    • A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

    "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

    He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

    Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

    She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

    She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

    The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

    "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

    "Are - my - test - results - back?"

  • 1

    • Atom

    • There is a really, really small guy and his name is Adam, so I say, "Hey, look, it's an atom!"

    Incest

    • While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

    We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

  • 2

    • Doctor

    • Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

    Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

    Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

    Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

    Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

  • 0

    • Onion

    • What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.

  • 0