ANS jokes
Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."
Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*
*Wakes up in an adoption center.*
Damn, it was those kind of papers.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
(Not an orphan joke).
Why are Americans bad at Clash Royale?
Because they've lost 2 towers.
Your mom gave me a three course meal last night:
Starters - Foreplay
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl
Dessert - Blowy
Won't forget the side drink of an individual on individual bukkake.
What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
I was making fun of an orphan, then I realized he tracked me down. I made a bad decision. He was Batman!
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple actually gets picked.
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
If you're ever bored, try scaring the sh*t out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.
We used to be the tallest buildings in New York...
Then we took an Arab to the knee.
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
What’s the difference between a normal kid and an Emo?
When you feel an Emo's arm, there’s lots of texture! Feels great, too!
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
What do you call an old snowman that survived till summer?...
Water... yup, water...