ANS jokes
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
I'm doin' your mom. Yes, yours!
I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin' out your drawers. Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen but her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans. I approached her in the checkout line, and said, "Yo baby wassup?" She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs. Five minutes later she agreed to get with me so we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart. I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn't start. She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again. How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!
Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it. She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it. Cause she knows how I like it, and that I'm a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"
If an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
I got an Xbox achievement the other day. It said "Trash Master," and everyone looked at me at the funeral.
I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."
What do you call an Eskimo stripper?
A frosty-tute.
What do you call an orphan family tree?
A tree stump.
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
What does an orphan not have in common with criminals?
Criminals are wanted.
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They can't find home.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite beverage? Milk.
What do you call an Indian?
Person in red. Cart a pack of Maltesers.
What did the soldier say when he saw a terrorist in a wheelchair?
"An RC-XD!"