ANS jokes
What do Princess Diana and the Beatles have in common?
They both made quite an impact in Europe.
What's the difference between an apple and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
What's between an orphan and an apple tray?
The apples get picked.
I got detention for giving an emo kid a happy meal.
Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan has all their teeth intact.
What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?
Pikachu, I choose you!
If you’re bored, go punch an orphan. What are the parents gonna do?
What do you call somebody in America that is smart?
An immigrant.
What did Elon Musk do after sacking half of Twitter employees?
Raped an eight-year-old girl.
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?
Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.
What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?
They can both be replaced.
Are you depressed? Go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”
Is it possible for an orphan to go on an away trip?
No, because they already are on one.
Me to bully: You are so fat that when the satellite took the picture, you were considered as an island.
Bully: (Speechless)
What's the similarity between an emotional and a leaf?
The emo is still hanging.