And jokes

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless.

What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.

Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.

What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.

What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.

What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"

What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?

At least Hitler actually did something.

What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?

UNPROTECTED SEX.

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".

Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.

You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize. When I did, it hit me like a plane.

What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?

SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.

I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.

What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.

What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.

People call me a bad person, but just the other day I saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents. I love working at the orphanage.

I can see Uranus from here, and it's mighty gassy!

What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.