And jokes

Comeback

My friend: "Yo, stupid."

Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"

My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."

Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."

Threesome

I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.

We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

Then, she asked me flirtatiously,

"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet."

She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,

"Mom, are you still awake?"

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  • Difference

    What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.

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  • Memes

    Suicide

    My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

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  • Watermelon

    What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.

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  • Pedophile

    What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?

    The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.

  • 1
  • Finish

    What do painters and prostitutes have in common?

    They're both paid for a good finish.

  • 0
  • Lesbian

    Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.

    ... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.

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  • Paper

    A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.

  • 1
  • Jesus

    What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?

    Jesus died a virgin.

    Living

    What's worse than depression & suicide?

    Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

    Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?

    Spine

    You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.

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  • Car

    Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

    All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

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  • Bullying

    My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.

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  • Drug Dealer

    How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?

    Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.

  • 0
  • Culture

    What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?

    In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

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