And jokes

Why do emo people go to the store with no money?

Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.

I named my grass emo, and it cut itself.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

White 40 year olds love little white kids, and so does Trump! The biggest hands to touch the kids and his daughter!

Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.

Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

What is the similarity between depressed people and hoodies?

The color black.

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.

You know what orphans and Batman have in common? They'll both never see their parents again.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?

TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.

Have a child you don't want? Just drop them off at a school they don't know and drive away.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

Yo mama is so dumb, she plays Pokémon and doesn’t catch any.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

A priest walked in and said to the kids,

"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"

I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.