And jokes
Stephen landed at Tilted and got 199 pumped, he's 1 shot!
I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
What’s black, white, and red all over?
An embarrassed biracial guy.
Memes
What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?
I don't have a sex slave in my basement...
What’s red and white and black all over?
A dead white man at night time!
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner.
"It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’" — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race
Hispanic and Latino people be like, "No more immigrants!" Like, dude, aren't you an immigrant?
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.
And then Mark came in.
What is the difference between an orphan and a bandit?
One's wanted.
There were two twins, and they were both very tall.
The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.
Why is Daisy afraid of candles?
Watch my videos and find out!!! 🤸♀️🕯📷💰😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
Your momma's so fat, she went on safari and got shagged by an elephant!
What do depression and suicide have in common?
Nothing, they're both hanging.
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?
The flowers actually get picked.