And jokes

Lockdown

Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.

Date

So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"

Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"

Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"

Cock

The man told the women, “Roses are red, violets are blue, you suck cock and you enjoy it too.”

Then she said that's true.

Memes

Gender

I also got mine replaced, hehe, I have a special surprised for you UwU

The image is a four-panel grid. The first panel shows the text 'Male and Female' next to a figure in a red robe. The second panel shows 'Non-Binary' next to an identical figure. The third panel shows 'Impossible to tell under all the machinery and tubes' next to another identical figure. The fourth panel shows the text 'Gender is irrelevant meatbag, I have replaced my genitalia with a neutron laser' next to the same figure now raising its arms.

Orphan

A man was on the street and went up to a kid wearing rags. The man asked, "Hey, are you an orphan?"

The kid said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

The man said, "Your parents."

Documentary

When you're watching a 9/11 documentary, that one kid in your class finds the 97th Jenga block and knocks it down.

Car Seat

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

Friend

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Brother

My brother eats water from the pig factory at 1:00 a.m., and blames a deaf kid, so he ended up going to solitary.

Ass

Kaleb: Addison, are you okay???

Addison: Not at all. People think I'm annoying and stupid! Do you?

Kaleb: Yes, once I pound you in the ass.

Difference

What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?

One’s a heated yam, and the other’s a YEATED HAM!