And jokes

What has two arms and two legs but can’t walk or run?

Stephen Hawking.

Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

Passengers: *Clap*

Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

Flight Attendant: And what is that?

Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

They both get turned on by kids.

What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.

Jack and Jill went up a hill, each with a buck and a quarter.

Jill came down, and she had two-fifty! Oh, what a whore! (Andrew Dice Clay joke.)

What is depressed and gay? Me.

What is one thing that a physicality handicapped gay man can do better than a heterosexual female or a bisexual female that are not born physicality handicapped? Know how to perform fellatio on a man that has a very long and thick and very large dick.

How do you keep a blind kid entertained?

You take him to a stadium crowd, then give him a bat and tell him to hit the piñata.

My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...

A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."

Iran: We can beat the USA.

Japan: You do realize we beat him in Battleship, and he dropped the sun on us.

Iran: So?

Japan: Twice!

What if the ocean just raided Titanic of its people? Like instead of it flooding, it was raiding it and threatened the passengers if they told, so they just said an iceberg flooded the ship.

Hey guys, thank you for finding this. Vote in the thumbs up or thumbs down whether you prefer Reese’s cups or Starbursts, and comment if you have a different preference! I would like to know a little about people! Thanks, Izzy.

I think my dad is too black because whenever he goes to bed and closes his eyes, he disappears. 🤣

What is the difference between a white octopus and a white squid?

A white octopus isn't in the KKK!

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?

A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.

"Pootin is a pussy won't even fight in the war that he started!"

"Pootin is a pussy and Ukraine is beating Russia's ass!"

Who was the meanest man in the world?

He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.