And jokes

What is different about priests and acne?

Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.

What is the difference between R Kelly and Kelly Clarkson?

R Kelly hits on preteens, Kelly Clarkson hits on toddlers.

Yo mama so ugly, she went to the bathroom and scared the sh*t out of the toilet.

When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.

Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?

A: One got to finish a race.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a frog?

One jumps in ponds, the other leaps over the border. :)

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.

A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"

Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"

Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."

Brother:......

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"

A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."

Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.

So, I had an orphan friend, and he asked me, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, I just wanted to remind you." Then I asked, "How are your parents?" After that, I never saw him again.

A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.

Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!