And jokes

Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gauge shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun. He said, "You're crazy!" I responded, "Quackers."

A blind man walks into a bar.

And a chair.

And a table.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.

Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"

What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?

A dildo.

"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?

She blew on it, and it went hard.

Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and it is still printing.

"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."

What do you call a Muslim and an Arab in a plane?

Pilots, you racist fuckers!

Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.

Yeah, I stopped joking about 9/11. My jokes usually just ended up crashing and burning.

What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?

"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"

The other day while I was going down on my grandma, I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her!

When you're Russian to the bathroom, and when you're finished you're from Finland, what are you when you are IN the bathroom?

European.

Johny Sin's son checked his father's folder of p*rn in his laptop.

and found that in all the videos his father is...

Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."

I gave up hope and I liked it!!

I take meds to feel fantastic! (I kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})

What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?

A dead baby can't feed a family.