And jokes

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.

Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?

I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.

Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.

Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?

Doctor: The morgue.

Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!

Doctor: And we're not there yet!

I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.

His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.

A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.

He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.

A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.

“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”

What is humble, holy, and helps?

An angle...

What's the difference between an emo kid and an apple? The apple falls from the tree.

I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.

Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

What do trans women bring to lesbian relationships?

Something big and warm 🍆.

When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.

What's green, red, and spins at 4000rpm?

A frog in a blender.

What does an orphan and a lost kid have in common?

They have no way home.

Feed the hungry with the hungry. It solves world hunger and overpopulation at once!