And jokes

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.

Did you know Helen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard?

No, and neither did she.

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

Don’t like this post, or else I will go to your house and eat you! 😈

What's black, white, and red all over?

A nun in a blender.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Only the apple got picked up.

Someone went to fly and thought of pizza.

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

What's big, black, and touches children?

Harambe.

What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?

Outlaws are wanted :)

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.

If your name is Jack, I think you are a stupid person that leaves their friends and blocks them on everything.

I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.

So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."