And jokes

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

How many victims does Shaw have?

We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.

How do you call a man with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

Is it just me, or everybody has a dark side, like a psycho side, and then you act like crazy for some reason?

Gwen and Prince chat and talk and discuss; we won't bother you! Here! Enjoy!

I'll give you an A because you're awesome.

B because you're beautiful.

A C because you're caring.

And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.

You know how to draw a horse? If not, look in a mirror and draw what you see.

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.

Why were the apple and orange all alone? Because the banana "split."

Using Pi, distract that fat kid next to you and copy his answers.

And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.

Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.

We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.

One day, I was walking down the street, and then I saw something really funny, and then I ran, and I saw a boomer, but I don't really know what I'm talking about, lol.

It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

Bf: Babe, do you love me?

Gf: Of course, why do you ask?

Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.

My chocolate babe is calling my name, and now I'm about to get my chocolate freak on.