And jokes

A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"

Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?

A: They've dealt with a burning bush.

Chuck Norris sneezed and sent 2 planes flying... on September 11, 2001.

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.

To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went up the hill.

Jack fell down, his ass was bound, and Jill continued up the hill.

Jack came back and beat Jill's back, and he got the ultimate kill.

What’s an orphan's favorite beer?

Foster's.

READ THIS OUT LOUD:

This is this cat.

This is is cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is an cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is a busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat this is seconds cat.

NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...

What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?

Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and go, "What happened?"

Can watersharky and Gwen comment on this? I need to talk to you guys.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.