And jokes
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
What do KFC and a brothel have in common?
They’re both full of greasy chicks.
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
What is red, pink, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What is green, brown, and goes round and round?
The same baby 3 weeks later.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
Memes
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
What can jump higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
I didn't ask: ❌
I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
I raped a girl and I liked it.
I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.
It felt so wrong, it felt so right.
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
What's the difference between a CEO and licorice?
The licorice is black.
Why are the UK and the USA bad at playing chess?
Because they lost 2 towers and their queen.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.