And jokes

Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!

Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.

What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?

Nothing, I eat both of them.

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?

You can't wash your face in a buffalo.

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

One day I met a blind guy and I said, "You should see Mt. Cheaha!"

Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.

Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night? They don’t have a dad to go with.

For every blonde in the world,

scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

There are 25 letters in the alphabet, and yet I don't know why.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Answer: Elephino.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.