And jokes

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.

What's the difference between a gay man and a hairline?

The hairline is way straighter.

Give a man a plane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day.

Push a man from a plane, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

A leaf and an emo fell off a cliff, who landed first? The leaf, because the rope stopped the emo.

What is the difference between an orphan and a robber?

One is wanted.

What are Michael Jackson’s favorite universities?

Brigham Young and Boise State.

What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?

The mailman goes home at the end of the day.

What do parents and dark humor have in common? Some get it, and some don't.

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

What do Americans and Rubik's Cubes have in common?

They both have a history of separating colors.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

What did the bowler say when the balls were on the lane and the pin? They said, "Strike!" 😂😂😂😂

What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"

I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣

Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?

Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)

Where did Sally go during the bombings? Everywhere!

Why didn’t the parents bother looking for her? Because she was in the front and back yard in small chunks! 😂

A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?

The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"