And jokes

I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."

What vibrates and is 6 inches?

A toothbrush.

"Knock knock."

"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.

One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"

A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.

Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!

Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.

What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?

Nothing, I eat both of them.

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?

You can't wash your face in a buffalo.

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

One day I met a blind guy and I said, "You should see Mt. Cheaha!"

Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.

Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night? They don’t have a dad to go with.